“You are all equal in my eyes, you are all special in my heart, as each one of you is unique in its shape and form and I will treat you all the same. Giving and taking back what is the most precious to you, life, and no one can change that.”
„Did you see it?” One of the mothers stopped me on the corridor and whispered, not to be heard by others.
“What?” I asked with slight disorientation in my voice.
“In one of the rooms lays an actor’s child”. She continues with discretion in her voice.
“Who?” Now I have asked with a bit of curiosity.
“Not sure if you know them, they played in one of the TV series. Nevertheless, they have their own private room, not like the others. And he is always walking with a cap on, not to be recognized. Like people would not know that it is him.”
I went back to our room and started to get course, nervous and at the end even jealous. After a while I was not proud off all those emotion but they were too strong for me to battle from the start. Questions roaming in my mind. “Who are they? Can I spot them? Can I touch them? Can I? Can I?” Or even worse. “So, there are equal and more equal people… we need to be in the room with two or three other children, while they have their own room.”
Luckily, I shook off from all those feelings and realized, that being here is no blessing. No matter how famous you are, how rich, it will not save your child. May give you a bit more chances and comfort going through this nightmare, but that is it.
I watched them for few days, just to see how they cope with the whole situation. And it was then, when I started to feel sorry for them. It was then, when I realized, that they are not really in better situation from us. Fact, that they were constantly being watched was giving them one more stress to battle with. Stress which already you have too much to deal with. I saw people looking at her, when she was walking to the kitchen, to make a meal for her son. I saw how people gaze at her, when she was asking for new bedsheets as her son, same as any other child, vomited and she needed to change them. Just by herself, with no help from any servants. I saw him walking on the corridor with cap on, hoping that nobody will spot him, take a picture to sell to the newspaper. Or be harassed by paparazzi trying hunting for cheap sensation. I saw desperation in their eyes, knowing what is at the end of this path. And it was then, when I felt good to be anonymous. Where I can have a dreadful day, even cry and nobody cares, nobody judges me, nobody outside my close family notice it. I can hide in the shadows and no one will come and hunt me with the light. While each of their steps, actions, moments were at the spotlight. I can not image what additional pressure they felt, what burden they needed to carry, and all just because they were famous. I no longer felt bad for having to share a room with others, and thanks to that, we met wonderful people, had a chance to talk to each other, cheer each other up. While they were left just for themselves, alone in that room, as no one dared to talk to them.
Later in the week I tried to make an eye contact with them, just to share a smile. Just to show them that people here are swimming on the same boat. Wish them well, but they avoided any type of interaction besides, please and thank you. And still, there was no situation, where you could feel, that they think of themselves as someone better.
After a while, I was told what it means to have a single room, just for yourself. It is not that you are famous, but a bit more special. Special like everybody else might be some day. Special due to your child soon flight to heaven. And they give you a comfort of spending those few days, that you have left, alone. Give you slight feeling of intimacy, they can provide. Without anybody looking at you, anybody talking to you. Just the closest family, loved ones. This was the day I said to myself that I never want to be that special parent. To have a room just for my family. And it was the time when I prayed for them, so God will give them strength to pass through this miserable moment.