“I will whisper to your ears so quietly, that only if you reach peace of mind and unity with your soul, you will hear me. I will show you signs through my Angles, people that you would never expect to be my messengers. And all of it, is to make sure your love is real and trust is deep, as if I would came with all mighty I would never knew the truth”
At the beginning sadness and anger are two of your best friends. Sadness comes every time you look at your child, when you see him in pain, when you know how much is ahead of him and you cannot do anything about it, when you realize, that these could be your last memories, moments that you have with him. Anger comes…strange as it may sound, but it did not came to us. Instead of anger we felt peace, this silence that was giving us belief that everything is going to be alright. And when sadness were having its turn, we experienced His presence manifested through others.
“Don’t worry. It will be alright. Trust me”. Those were his first words spoken to us. We were both standing in the small corridor and waiting for our turn to have CT and marrow biopsy. He was there with his mother, teen age boy, fully bold from chemo. I could sense that he and his mother were nervous and he talking to everybody was a way to release some of this stress. But there was something positive in him. Something that give you this urge to stop for a second and just talk to him. Forget where you are and just spent some time on the conversation.
“Look at me, I was to fly right away, sings all over the body. And what? Somebody screwed something…”
“Behave.” His mother stopped him for second. She was not really angry at him knowing who is he and what he has been trough but tried to make sure he will not offend to much others with his loose mouth. “I am sorry for my boy. He has such a bad mouth.”
“…and I am clean.” Boldy continues as he was would have something important for us to say. ”They don’t want me anymore. Doing now some more test to find out if this is truth. Therefore trust me. He will be fine.”
They saw our sadness, fact that those were first days and all of those initial procedures were terrifying us. Fact that none of us was used to witnessing such a thing just brought tears to us that we could not stop from falling. Boldy with his mom came in exactly right moment and had enough courage to say that first word. I know for sure that spoken from somebody else’s mouth would not make much of a difference, but since it was one of the cadets it gave us, for the first time, a little light of hope. That this path is not headed one way and can be changed. I think this was a beginning of very important lesson, that being qualified it does not mean straight away flying to heaven. There is a chance to sabotage the whole process but you need to take actions, fight for your loved ones. Nobody said it is going to be easy but you know that if somebody lights this sparkle in your mind nothing will stop you for blowing it into enormous fire.
Boldy was the heart of the premises, funny, loud and full of energy. I loved seeing him and Szymon and the others running around the corridors, making this place having more life and finally not that depressing. When he was leaving home on the pass suddenly the whole center was quiet again, lifeless, as I said above, depressing but also looking from different perspective simply boring. I know that you never wish anybody qualification but maybe more of kids like him and this would not be such a terrifying place.